Max was a stray we started feeding last winter. At first we just caught glimpses of him and would set food out under the tarp that covered the patio furniture. Often we'd set it out at night and check in the morning to see that it was gone. We found grey cat hairs up in the chair and I noticed the heavy scent of "male" cat.

As the winter passed and we continued to feed him, Max began to hang around the patio. In the beginning he would startle and run away then he would only run to the edge of the yard, then as soon as he knew we saw him he'd start yowling and wouldn't shut up until we came out with his meal. Then one day he let me touch him.

After that we started a routine - he'd want to be rubbed behind his ears before he ate ... then he'd stop ... roll over and get in my lap then go back to eating. At that time we couldn't tell if Max was male or female - he was a long hair kitty but very thin and small.

We had contacted a program called SNIP to find out how to get him spayed/neutered and shots. Unfortunately Max would always disappear for several days around those vet days and I didn't want to "trap" him. In hind sight, I should have trapped him. Then again it might not have made a difference either.

We were going on vacation the end of June and had made arrangements for the neighbor to feed "TittyTat". However, the Tuesday before we left Max showed up that morning and as soon as I saw him I knew he was seriously ill or hurt. I had to wait until he ate before he came over, lay down and exposed his belly. That was when I saw the massive wound that gaped over his right chest. I grabbed a towel, picked him up, and brought him into the house.

I woke up my husband and we looked up vet offices in our area. We called the VCA Valle Vista Animal Hospital in Greenwood IN and they could see him at 830.

We got Max to the vet and found out TittyTat was a boy - working with the vet we developed a plan where we could not only neuter Max but also surgically address his wound. Later that morning we got the bad news. Max was FIV+, was anemic, and had abnormal liver and kidney panels. Still we wanted to try and save him. The Thursday before we left I was at the vet holding Max and he started licking my arm and just laid on my lap. He had never been that still before.

We paid to board him and I went to see him after surgery and before we left on vacation. He seemed to be hanging in there and holding his own. However, when we arrived in Puerto Rico Friday afternoon(while waiting for our baggage) the vet called telling us that Max's (when we paid for his care we named him - he was officially our cat)blood count had further dropped. She then mentioned the possible need for a blood transfusion.

Saturday afternoon Laurel called and said that Max's blood count was continuing to drop and that she was afraid he would die over the weekend and wanted to move him to a 24 hour vet. Even though this was coming out of our pocket - we agreed to the move. That night the new vet called and outlined a treatment plan and cost. They told us that the initial care would cost $1100. I gave them my credit card number.

But that night it got worse. Max's hematocrit dropped even more, he was lysing his red blood cells and his hematocrit was now not compatible with life. The new vet said he not only needed multiple blood transfusions but needed a bone marrow aspiration and analysis. Now we were looking at an additional $1300 that we didn't have.

I ran and got my husband out of the casino, and we called the vet back. It was at that time I said enough - with all his multiple chronic health issues, particularly the FIV, and gave the vet permission to put Max to sleep. Then I cried and cried and cried.

I really feel so guilty ... I feel like while we tried to do the right thing that we also let him down. I wish that we had discussed euthanasia before we transfered him to the 24 hour vet. I wish that instead of strangers, that people who cared about him helped him over into the next life.

I am really struggling with this ... I loved Maxie ... I miss him terribly. Thank you for listening.