Letters to Gator
by Terry Bishop.........................................
8/14/09 My sweet baby boy, I miss you so much honey. I can't seem to get anything done around here. My brain is so scattered and nothing makes any sense. I see your beautiful face everywhere in and around the house. I see all the cute little things you did that would make me smile so much. On Wednesday, Shiloh came over and we made you a beautiful planter area above your grave. We planted the red fountain grass that you always loved to nibble on. We also planted some wildflower seeds, put in a little fountain and some lights for night time. You are the most wonderful little creature that God ever created. I thank him so much for bringing you into my life. You made me so happy. Lots of people have sent me wonderful thoughts of you and it helps to hear their kind words, but the pain I feel right now is so hard, I just want to hold you in my arms and give you sweet kisses. I love you baby.

8/18/09 Oh my sweet, sweet heart. It has now been a week since your sweet face has been gone. I miss you so terribly. You were the most wonderful perfect creature that God has ever created. How could I have ever been so lucky to have you in my life? You gave me joy and smiles every day. Every morning when I would wake up, your beautiful face would look at me with love. When I would come home for lunch, you would greet me at the door and you would do your cute little wiggle walk. After work, when I would come home to you, you were so happy and would always bring me a little present and let me know that you were so happy that I was home with you. I miss all of that so much, but most of all, I miss just being able to hold you, caress you and give you sweet kisses. My baby, I see you lying next to God waiting for me to come. I know you are still watching over me and I can feel you sending me your love. Daddy and Shiloh miss you so much too and their hearts are aching. Come to me in my dreams and I will hold you sweet baby. I love you.

8/25/09 Hi baby boy, Mommy loves you so much. It has now been two weeks since you have been gone from us. It seems like an eternity and my heart is broken. Today was a very hard day for me being without you. I cried so much and then I read something that made me cry even more. It was a sign that read, "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog, you are his life, his love, his leader, he will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart". That's what you were, my best friend and you loved me until your little heart stopped beating and God took you to be with him. I know he is taking good care of you, but I miss you so much baby. Please come and see me in my dreams so I can hold you and give you kisses.

9/1/09 Hello sweetheart, I love you baby. It has now been three weeks since you have gone to be with God. He wanted you to come and be with him, so he could hold you in his loving arms. I try to get through each day without you, but it is so hard. I miss you in everything I do, when I wake up in the morning, when I leave for work, when I'm at work, when I come home for lunch, when I am back at work in the afternoon, when I come home at the end of the day, when I eat my dinner, when I take my bath, when I watch tv, when I go to bed. You were always there with me in everything I did in my life, keeping me company and making me smile. I have put your picture up in every room of the house and at work. I can see you everywhere I go and feel your love for me all the time. I have asked God to help me please get through this and lead me on the path that I am now supposed to take. You were the light and love in my life. You filled my heart and soul with peace, joy, love and contentment. With you in my world, I felt loved and fulfilled. I now have to learn to live a different way, to see things in a different light. I am forever changed for having loved and lost you. Wait peacefully for me my dear baby boy. Enjoy your days bathed in sunshine and rainbows. Have fun with all the other creatures who are there waiting with you and send me your kisses and hugs in my dreams.

9/8/09 Hi baby boy, I love and miss you so much. It has now been four weeks since you have been gone from us. It seems like forever. My heart is still broken and aching with the loss of not having you here with us anymore. I still cry everyday wanting you here. I come home at lunch and I still expect you to greet me at the door. I still tell you night, night every night before I go to sleep. I kiss and pet all of your pictures I have around the house. Some days I think I am ok and then I just lose it wanting you so badly and missing your love and sweetness so much. God sent me an angel to love and then he brought you back home to him. Look for Bodin at the rainbow bridge, because he had to go too. Make him feel welcome and loved. I love you sweetheart and I will never ever get over missing and loving you. Please come and see me in my dreams and give me your love baby boy.

9/15/09 Hi honey, oh I miss you so much, so, so very much. It has now been five weeks since you have been gone from us. I ache everyday missing you and still don't know what to do. This week hasn't gotten any easier either. It is so lonely without you in the house and so sad not to see your happy little face. I still expect you to be there when I come home everyday. I still keep hoping that you will be there....but you're not. We got your headstone in this week and we put it on your grave. Your picture on it looks beautiful and you are smiling. I asked God to tell me how we got so lucky to have you in our lives. There will never be anyone like you ever again. You are my angel baby and I hold you in my heart and soul and take you with me wherever I go. I never have to say bye-bye to you again sweet boy. I love you honey, share your sweetness with all the other animals there with you. Wait for me and I will come to you and we will cross the bridge together sweet baby.

9/22/09 Oh my sweet baby boy. It has now been six weeks since you have been gone. It still doesn't seem real to me. I come home each day and still expect you to greet me at the door. I keep hoping you will my baby. I know that you are well and safe and with God, but I can't get over the feeling of loss I have without you. I think of all the good times, all the cute and wonderful things you did each day. I am so grateful that we had you in our lives. Thank you so much God for sharing your wonderful little boy Gator with us. We loved him so very much. He was our world and he made us so happy. We ache without him and are still so very lonely. Baby, I talk to each day and I love and miss you so much honey. Enjoy your days there in the meadow of the Rainbow Bridge. Have your long lazy naps that you loved so much. Play with all the other animals there and make all the new ones feel welcome. I love you with all of my heart my sweet baby boy.

9/29/09 Hello my sweet precious one. This is week seven now and you are missed and loved just as much as on day one. So many things I do and see remind me of you. They make me think of all of your wonderful ways you had and then I start to cry again, missing you. I want to be happy, but then I just realize that I don't have you to share them with anymore. I wanted to share my whole life with you and I got to for five years. Thank you God for those wonderful years with my sweet baby. He filled everything up with love and happiness and smiles and peace and contentment. He showed me how to have fun and how to relax and see the world. Thank you Gator for letting me be your Mommy and sharing your life with us. Thank you Gator for letting me love you like you did. Thank you Gator for all of your sweetness, happiness, excitement and love for me. You are our angel boy now, watch down on us from up above and know that we still love you so much and we always will baby forever and ever. You are never out of my thoughts sweetheart, I love you.

10/6/09 Hey there handsome. This is the eighth week that you have been gone from us now. How are you doing up there in heaven? I know God is taking very good care of you. I am still here, missing you so much honey. I think about you always, all the time. The weather has started cooling down now and this was always the time of year that you loved the most. You couldn't wait to go outside and smell the cool breezes. I can see you lying in the grass with your little nose up in the air wiggling back and forth. You would get all frisky and run around and around and get very playful. I can just see you doing that and being so happy. I miss your infectious way you had of making me feel so good, so happy and so content just to be with you. Seeing you happy, made me happy too. I miss you every day honey, every hour, every minute. You were my best friend and there is a huge hole in my life without you there to share it with. I see you lying in your meadow now with all the other animals. Enjoy your days until we are together again my sweet sweet baby boy. I will remember you always, I will miss you forever and I will love you for eternity.

10/13/09 Hello my sweetness. Today it has been nine weeks since we have lost you from our world. I am still missing you so very much, with all my heart. I ache without you and am still so lonely. Some days are so hard to get through. I kiss all of your pictures everywhere I go. I talk to you every night before I go to sleep. I look at your headstone every morning, afternoon and night. Please come and see me in my dreams and give me your love. I started working on your scrapbook this week. I am writing the story of your life and remembering all of the sweet and wonderful things that you did. I am putting all the pictures I have of you in it. I don't have enough of them of course and so wish that I had taken more pictures of you doing all the things you loved to do. I can see them in my mind and can feel you in every room. Oh baby how you have changed my life. I will never ever be the same again without you with me. Please watch over me with God and rain down your sweetness and joy so I may feel your love on me. God please help me survive this. I love you my sweet baby boy.

10/20/09 Hello my sweet one. This is the tenth week that I am without you in my world. I am still here missing you so much. Do you know how perfect you were? Do you know how much you were loved? Do you know how you have affected my life? I love and miss you so much. I miss the joy that you gave to me, the friendship that you gave to me, the love that you gave to me. God knew what he was doing when he made dogs, when he made you sweetheart. I miss being able to hug, kiss and talk to you. I miss seeing you smile at me. I miss you getting excited about everything and making me feel excited. I want to have all of those feelings again, but you are not here to share them with. I got a new tattoo this week for you. It says, "Gator...I Will Love You For Eternity..." and it goes around my ankle in between my bear tracks. I wanted to put more, but it would have been too small to read. So I will have to put it somewhere else. I have your name on me forever my sweet, sweet one. Lay peacefully in your new home until we are together again. Enjoy your time there and make lots of new friends. Show them all your wonderful ways and wait for me my boy. I love you sweetheart.

10/27/09 Hi there honey, I love you my sweet little one. Today is the eleventh week that I have been without your wonderful sweetness in my life. I still cry for you everyday my boy. You are so missed and so loved honey. I don't know that I am getting any better being without you in my life. I am trying to cope with it all, but I still feel so lost and confused. I want to remember the things you taught me about life, how to relax and enjoy the nature all around me. I still try to follow your example without you being here. If people could only be like dogs, the world would be a wonderful place to live in. You were the best friend I could have ever had and I miss you buddy. I went on a trip this weekend and I brought your picture with me to keep me company. My new bear Diesel came with us and the two of you were great together. You would have really loved him. My life has changed and you are the reason why my love. Send down your sweetness and rain your love on me to show me the way, for I am lost. I will love you for eternity.

11/3/09 Hello my precious one, my perfect little boy Gator. This is week twelve now and it has been a very hard one for me. I feel so lost and so disconnected from myself. I keep wondering how long I will be here. Sometimes I just don't know. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel lost and confused. You kept me together and made me feel so good, so loved and wanted. How do I hang on to that without you? I need you here, I need your love, I need your friendship, I need your companionship. I am so sad without you honey. I hope that you are happy in your new place and that you are feeling content. God I need help with this loss. I can't do it by myself. Baby please watch down on me and send me your love because I don't know what to do without you. Just know that you will be with me always in my mind, heart and soul. I will never be without your spirit inside of me. I love you my precious one.

11/10/09 Hi there baby boy, oh I love you so much. This is the thirteenth week alone without you here with us. Tomorrow will be three months. I can't believe that you have been gone 1/4 of a year already. Are you happy there with God? I hope you are happy and I know you are loved. I know you have lots of friends too. I am trying so hard to make my life whole again without you baby. I don't want to, but I need to or I will die. Bodin's parents adopted Buster a few weeks ago and I got to meet him this weekend. He is very sweet, but not as sweet as you were. No one could ever compare to you. Shiloh got a dog this week too and her name is Roxy. She saved her from going to the pound. She needs lots of attention and special love because she has never known that and she doesn't even know how to play yet. They came over yesterday and I showed her your ball with the holes in it. I gave her some of your old toys, but not your red puppy. All the birthdays and holidays are passing without you here to share them with baby. I am trying to go on with my life, but it will never be the same without your sweetness here. You had a special gift little boy of lighting up the world, of making me feel so special, but you were the special one. You were one of a kind and the best, the most magnificent person in a dog suit. I hold your little heart inside of mine and I am keeping them both beating for both of us. I love you with everything I have to give my sweet little one.

11/17/09 Hello my little boy, how are you sweetheart? This is the fourteenth week of your passing. Each week I read over everything I have written previously and of course it makes me cry. I still miss you just as much as in the beginning, that will never change. The day I fell in love with you is the day that you changed my life. The day that you died is the day that I died inside. I will never be whole again without you. I am trying to put myself back together as a person with a huge hole inside of me, but it is not an easy thing to do. Most days I just go through the motions of an empty life. Roxy is getting used to Shiloh now and is getting to like being loved by someone. She never knew that before. I hope that she can give to her what you gave to me, unconditional love forever. For those people in the world who have never felt that, my wish for them is that they would find it and know how it feels to love and be loved by God's most precious creature. You are magnificent little one and I will never get over being amazed at how much you loved me and how much I loved you in return. Sleep tight each night, have fun and run each day, until we are united.

11/24/09 Hey baby boy, how is my sweetheart today? This is the fifteenth week we have been without you baby. It has been 15 lonely weeks. I can see you up there where you are, relaxing, playing, rolling on your back, running and having fun with all the other animals. I am still here missing, loving and thinking about you every day. Thank you so much for being you and giving yourself to me to love. I have wonderful memories of everything about you, they all fill my mind and heart. I can see your face looking at me with that great big beautiful smile that you had. I can feel your little heart beating so hard when I would come close to you. They are all inside of me. I am holding on to them for you until we are together again. Shine your sweetness down on all of us who loved you and feel it coming back up to you in return. I love you my sweet, sweet baby boy. Forever and for eternity I will feel your love you had for me and I will never ever stop loving you.

12/1/09 Hello my love, my precious little son. We are now at the sixteenth week without our boy. The house still feels so empty. I look at your bed and I can picture you sitting there looking out the window and watching the world go by like you loved to do. I wish I had a video of you, so I could see you move and hear you talk. Why didn't I do that? I can only see you moving in my mind and watch your beautiful way you had about you in my memories. Roxy is settling in with Shiloh and is now sleeping in bed with them at night. I think she has forgotten her old world and is now happy being loved by them. Being without you, is not getting any easier for me honey. I am still so lost without you here. I know I have to go on and cope with this loss, but I don't know how to do it. I miss you so, so much. Everywhere I look, I see you there and I want to hold you so badly. I want to see you in my dreams, but it doesn't happen. Please come and see me, visit with me and let me love you. I know you are just fine, I know you are doing well there waiting for me. God is giving you all the love you need. It is me who is not doing well here without you. Be your beautiful self my boy, shine down your love like starlight and share your sweetness with everyone there. Enjoy your time until we are reunited my love. I will hold you in my heart forever.

12/8/09 Oh my baby boy, how are you doing my sweetheart? This is the seventeenth week without you here with us. I can feel you inside of me and I can hear your little heart beat inside of mine. It keeps me breathing and going on with my life here on this earth. Losing you and being without you has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my life. It pierces through me like cold steel and burning fire. Having to give you up was not my choice but God's wisdom. He created you and then he brought you back to him to love. I am just so thankful that I got to hold you in my arms, in my life and in my heart. Roxy came over this weekend and we babysat her for the night. I was scared at first because I didn't know how it would affect me. She is very sweet and needs so much love and she did just fine with us. She figured out your doggy door and she played with your toys, but she is nothing like you honey. My love for you is endless and timeless. It will go on until we are together once more for eternity.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, Terry Bishop
 
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