12/1/09 Hello my love, my precious little son. We are now at the sixteenth week without our boy. The house still feels so empty. I look at your bed and I can picture you sitting there looking out the window and watching the world go by like you loved to do. I wish I had a video of you, so I could see you move and hear you talk. Why didn't I do that? I can only see you moving in my mind and watch your beautiful way you had about you in my memories. Roxy is settling in with Shiloh and is now sleeping in bed with them at night. I think she has forgotten her old world and is now happy being loved by them. Being without you, is not getting any easier for me honey. I am still so lost without you here. I know I have to go on and cope with this loss, but I don't know how to do it. I miss you so, so much. Everywhere I look, I see you there and I want to hold you so badly. I want to see you in my dreams, but it doesn't happen. Please come and see me, visit with me and let me love you. I know you are just fine, I know you are doing well there waiting for me. God is giving you all the love you need. It is me who is not doing well here without you. Be your beautiful self my boy, shine down your love like starlight and share your sweetness with everyone there. Enjoy your time until we are reunited my love. I will hold you in my heart forever.

12/8/09 Oh my baby boy, how are you doing my sweetheart? This is the seventeenth week without you here with us. I can feel you inside of me and I can hear your little heart beat inside of mine. It keeps me breathing and going on with my life here on this earth. Losing you and being without you has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my life. It pierces through me like cold steel and burning fire. Having to give you up was not my choice but God's wisdom. He created you and then he brought you back to him to love. I am just so thankful that I got to hold you in my arms, in my life and in my heart. Roxy came over this weekend and we babysat her for the night. I was scared at first because I didn't know how it would affect me. She is very sweet and needs so much love and she did just fine with us. She figured out your doggy door and she played with your toys, but she is nothing like you honey. My love for you is endless and timeless. It will go on until we are together once more for eternity.

12/15/09 Oh my son, my little boy, how are you today? My heart hurts without you here. I ache with the loss of your being. Your spirit and your face fill my body with your love. It has now been eighteen weeks and four months since you went to heaven. How do we live without love in our life and not live without pain? They go hand in hand because God made it that way. You can't know what true love is without the loss of it too. So to give up the pain would be to give up you and I could not ever do that baby. Thank you God for giving me love from Gator. I hung an ornament on the Christmas tree for you...it reads..."Merry Christmas from Heaven, I love you all dearly, Now don't shed a tear, I'm spending my Christmas, With Jesus this year". Daddy brought that home for you. I love you so much honey, I am trying so hard to be strong, but this has brought me to my knees with pain and sadness. Please send me your wishes, send me your spirit, send me your love my baby boy. You have all of mine that I have to give forever and eternity.

12/22/09 Merry Christmas sweetheart. It won't be the same without you here. We are now at nineteen weeks without our beautiful little son. You filled our world, you filled our home, you filled our hearts with love from your sweet spirit. I am sitting here reading all of this, crying and looking at your beautiful picture. I see your big brown eyes looking into my soul. All of your memories come flooding back to me and I want you so badly. Your gentleness was so wonderful and I miss it so much. Fly to me in my dreams, sore on the winds and float on the stars. Feel the love I have to give you, feel it coming your way, coming up to you in the air and filling your spirit. I love you my baby, I miss you my son, I feel you next to me always, inside of my soul and consuming my heart.

12/29/09 Hello sweetness, how is my beautiful baby boy today? This is week twenty, I can't believe you have been gone this long. It still all feels like a dream that I can't seem to wake up from. I know that life has to go on no matter what happens to us, we have to survive. We had Christmas without you here with us, but I had your picture right in the middle of the table. Roxy spent the night with us again and she did very well. Shiloh made me a big beautiful calendar of all of your wonderful pictures on it and when I got to the day you died, I had to cry. I still miss you so much honey and I always will. We finally started working on the kitchen renovation that has been so long overdue and I'm glad you don't have to be bothered by all the mess. You can watch it all from you safe comfortable spot with God. Send down you spirit of goodness and love to me and I will hold it for all time. I love you my baby boy for all of eternity.

1/5/10 Hi baby boy, how are you doing today? This is week twenty-one that you have been gone to heaven. I opened up your site today and started crying right away, I couldn't even read over all of my entries. Your loss is so hard to handle because you were my best friend and I miss you being here so much. I miss your friendship and companionship, your love and joy. I wish I could write you poetry, but I'm not a poet. I only know how much I love and miss you my baby. I think about you all the time, morning, noon and night since the day you died. I can't get over it and I never will. This is now 2010, a new year and a new decade without you here with me. On New Years Eve, I sat home alone and thought about how you got excited and scared at the fireworks going off. How I would console you and tell you everything was alright. I missed you being with me so much, keeping me company through to the New Year. How do I stand this pain? God, please help me, help me bare the loss of knowing what unconditional love is like, of having someone love you more than they love themselves. Gator you were the best, the most lovable baby boy ever born. I feel you with me all the time, covering me up like a big blanket. God thank you for letting me know what it was like to have such a love in my life.

1/12/10 Oh my darling, my precious, my love, I miss you so much. I am ripped apart inside wanting you so badly. This is week twenty two that you have been gone. Yesterday it was five months. Your spirit is still here, your memories are still here, pictures of you are still here, but your sweet little face is up there in heaven with God. I miss you so much, all of those wonderful things you did, all those little ordinary moments of life. I miss my buddy, my companion, my best friend, my baby keeping me company and making me smile, bringing joy into my world. I think about you every day, every hour, every minute. I can't let you out of my mind or heart. I hope that you can forgive me please. I feel like I didn't do enough, that I let you down and it is killing me. I would give up everything I have to have you back in my life again, so that I could hold you again, kiss you again and tell you I love you again and again and again. You are perfection, you are God's special creation of love. Your angel spirit comes down to me and fills me with love. Oh my precious baby boy, how can I ever get over this loss of you.

1/19/10 Hey beautiful, how is my sweet wonderful little boy today? This is week twenty three that we have been apart. I just read over all my entries with Daddy listening. He cried so much, just like me. We miss our little boy so much and have a huge hole here without you sharing your wonderful spirit with us. When I came home today, I looked at where your water bowl used to be and I missed it being there for you. I know that God is filling all of your needs that you have and is loving you with all of his grace. He created you, wonderful, magnificent you. He brought you home to him and he will take care of you until I come. Please look for Missy at the Rainbow Bridge too. She lived a good long life, but couldn't stay here on earth any longer. Her little body was too weak, so now she can run and play with all the other animals too. Share with her your loving spirit, show her all the good spots and wait for me my love. I will come to you one day and we will never be apart again. Your mommy and daddy love and miss you so much honey and we hold you inside and keep you alive.

1/26/10 Hello my love, my sweet little one. How are things there for you? This is week twenty four and I am still so sad and missing you so much. How do I ever get over losing you baby. It hurts so much and I want to hold you so badly. Please watch down on me and send me love and kisses. Come and visit me in my dreams please. Daddy and I have been working on the kitchen renovation and it is going well. I think you would have liked it. I remember when we were doing the bedrooms and there wasn't any wall in between and you wouldn't walk through it. I have some news for you too, you are going to be an uncle, Shiloh is going to have a baby. I know you would have loved it because you loved babies and I would love to see you snuggling with him or her. We don't know what it is yet. Say hello to everyone there for me and send your spirit down from up above and whisper in my ears, I love you mommy.

2/2/10 Hello there my sweet sweet little one. This is week twenty five and it has been so long since I have held you in my arms. You loved life so much and you were always so excited to start each day. I loved it when you would wake me up in the morning on the weekend and we could go out on the front porch together. I sit out there now without you and it makes me think of you so much. I can see you sitting in the yard, looking at the world with your big beautiful brown eyes, enjoying everything you see and loving the world. I am trying to follow your example and trying to start each day with a positive attitude. I still miss you terribly and I still cry all the time for you, but I know you are watching all of us and guarding us from up above my angel. I can feel your beautiful spirit in my heart. Send me your love and comfort so that I can feel at peace again. I love you with all my heart and soul my sweet little baby boy.

2/9/10 Hello there beautiful one, my sweet precious baby boy. Today is week twenty six and almost six months, a half of a year has gone by without you. Oh, I miss you so much honey. I want to hold you in my arms and sleep beside you. We had some company this weekend, two beautiful doggies, Jax and Abby. They came to visit with Larry's cousin and they could smell you all over the house. I so wish you could have met them. I talked about you all the time and they could feel your spirit there. We went to the park you loved and they went all the places that you used to go. I wanted you to be there so badly and play ball with them and go swimming. The kitchen is coming along well also and we will have a new door in this weekend. I would have loved to see you go in and out of it into the backyard. Sleep well my dear, dream of me and I will dream of you. Know that you are with me all the time, I carry you in my heart and mind and think about you always. I will love you for eternity.

2/16/10 Hi there my beautiful perfect sweet little angel boy. This is the twenty seventh week that you have been gone. Mommy thinks about you all the time and I can feel you everywhere in the house. I miss you so much, I don't know how to stand it sometimes, I just go crazy. You fill my entire body with your love and spirit. I want to be like you, so loving and so sweet. I so need to hold you and feel you in my arms my love. One day I will again I know. We got the kitchen door in and you would have absolutely loved it. I can see you going in and out of it. Shine down your love on me, fill my soul with your happy spirit and warm me with you comforting ways. You were so special and I need you baby, I need your love and your happy smile staring at me. Dream of us together again and I will come to you my sweet little boy.

2/23/10 Hello my love, how is my sweetness doing? This is the twenty eighth week that you have been gone. I am the same, sad without you here. Life is going by and I miss you so much. I remember all of your wonderful ways and it makes me smile and cry at the same time. God knew what he was doing when he made you and gave you to me to love. This week was the 50th anniversary of my daddy dying. I thought of how the two of you are together up there in heaven with God. I know they are loving you and taking care of you for me. I will be with you again one day and then I won't have to be sad anymore. I love you sweetheart, come and stay with me while I sleep, so I can feel you next to me again.

3/2/10 Hi there handsome, how is my wonderful little son today? This is week twenty nine that we have been without you and yesterday was your 6th birthday. Happy Birthday baby! When I left work today, I found a little baby squirrel dead on the sidewalk. I got some paper and I moved him over to the dirt in the bushes. I thought about how he never got a chance to live and be happy. He is up there with you and all the other sweet little animals in heaven now. Death is so hard for the living to handle, because we miss you so much, we miss what we know we had that was so wonderful and you were magnificent. Daddy and I built a little deck outside of our new kitchen door this weekend. I thought about how much you would have loved it and I can see you lying there out in the sun. Enjoy your sun baths up there where you are. Feel the warmth of God's love and mine coming to you always and send your sweetness back down to me and fill me up with love honey.

3/9/10 Hi there my sweet little one, I miss you so much my darling. This is the thirtieth week of your passing away. I still feel you all around the house and your spirit will live here forever. We went to Daytona this weekend for Bike Week. I had a patch made for Daddy and I in honor of your memory and I had it sewed on my jacket. I am very proud to wear it and see your name on me. My love I have for you amazes me every day, that I could feel this much for you, love and sadness at your passing. Human emotion is such a powerful thing, it can move the world. Our world is in such turmoil these days, I wonder if the human race will survive sometimes. If we could only look at life as dogs do. They love everything and only want to please us. You are so wonderful my love, you amaze me when I think of how fantastic you were and how much joy you brought into this world. Your love fills me, consumes me and nourishes me. I close my eyes and I see you beautiful happy face smiling at me. My love for you will continue to grow and will never fade away.

3/16/10 Hello beautiful one, the one who fills my heart with love. This is week thirty one and you are still gone from my world, in body only. Your love, your spirit, your memory, pictures of you fill my world in your absence. I think this is the first week that I haven't cried almost every day. I miss you just as much as ever my love. We finally got all of the electrical work finished in the kitchen and I am now ready to finish paneling and get in the appliances. It has been such a long time coming, this whole house renovation and you were there from the very beginning. You lived though it with us and all the mess. You went through all the craziness with me and was my rock and salvation through all of the stress. Thank you for loving me so much and letting me love you baby. I needed you so badly and you were always, always there for me to love and share my life with. I miss that so much and look so forward to the day that we are reunited for eternity my love

3/23/10 Oh my love, my heart, my son, how are you today? This is week thirty two and I am not doing too well. I think my world is falling apart. I don't know how to make everything right or how to be happy again. God I am lost, I am a mess, I am broken. Help me please make sense of my life. I miss you baby so much, your beautiful happy face and loving spirit. You always grounded me and brought me back to reality. I don't know what to do now without you here keeping things right. I love you sweetheart and miss you with the pain of the sky falling down on me. I send my love to you on the winds, on the rays of the sun, on all the winged creatures that can fly. Hold me close in your heart and send me some love back to help ease my pain and quench my thirst.

3/30/10 Hello my sweet little lovable boy, I miss you so much honey and I need your love so badly. I feel so empty without you baby. This is the thirty third week now of being without my wonderful little son to fill my life with his sweet love. Love can be so wonderful, but it can hurt so much when it is gone. I know you still love me honey, but I want to see and hold you baby. Look for Cody there at the bridge; she left this world last week. She was so loved by her family too. Show her all the good spots and introduce her to all of your friends. Some rough things happened for me this week and it was so much easier to take life's hardships when I could look into your beautiful eyes and see your love you had for me, it made it all bearable. Send me your smiles, your kisses, your strength and your love on the winds and I will send them back to you from me. I love you from the depths of my soul to the outer reaches of the endless universe.

4/6/10 Hello my little one, my sweet baby boy. How is your world for you up there? I miss you so much honey, I love you so much baby. This is week thirty four that I am lost without you. You held me together like glue; you made this hard world soft and comfortable. Without you here for me, life's rough edges are so hard to swallow. Shiloh went for her ultrasound this week and we got to see her little baby moving around inside of her, kicking its arms and legs. I just think how wonderful it would be to see the two of you together one day my love. We got a lot of work done on the kitchen this weekend and Roxy came over and she was the first doggy who went through the new door. I so wish it could have been you baby. Think of me as I think of you and send me your spirit, your love, your wishes and kisses so that I can feel them in my world here on earth.

4/13/10 Hey baby boy, how is my love today? We are now at thirty five weeks and it has been eight months since your little body left us. Life is so hard without you and not fun. You could always make me smile and laugh just by being you honey. I miss all of that so much and I am so lonely without you here to be my buddy. I miss our long walks together, I miss our lazy rests on the porch together, I miss you keeping me company when I was alone. You were always there for me sweetheart. We got the stove and hood in this week and it looks strange to see it there. Every night, I kiss your picture and say these same words: Night, night; sweet dreams; sleep tight; come and stay with me tonight; lay your body beside me so that I may feel it's warmth; let me feel your soft fur against my skin; let me hear you breathing; let me feel your heart beating; I will love you from the depths of my soul to the outer reaches of the universe my love, my heart, my soul.