So May 12, 2016 my bestfriends got me a baby bearded dragon because I have been wanting a lizard, I love lizards and now bearded dragons are my favorite because of my Avocado. Anyway, I start to cry from sheer joy, I have never been so happy in my life she was beautiful and it just so happens the first thing I saw while looking at her was Avocado's from my friend's car and there was her name. He said that him and my other bff didn't know what kind of lizard to get me but as they were looking around they saw avocado putting her hands on the glass like she wanted to be taken home. They passed her and she walked away sad, they come back to her and she comes to the glass again so they bought her. She was meant for me. I loved and will always love her so much. I spent everyday with her and within two weeks she did the arm wave which bearded dragons do for submission she was basically accepting me as her mom, Humom I like to say. When I say I love her I mean literally kisses everday just petting her she was so small, about the size of my thumb when I got her and she just kept on growing. I took endless pictures of her which I am so glad I did because I now have them. She developed gout at about 8 months and the vet also said the x-rays showed her bones were yellow and she might have had cancer as well. She suggested putting her to sleep but I was stubborn and ignored her, she responde really well to the allupurinol for her gout and I was so happy. I remember when she was sick I was holding her hand and told her to get through it and fight it, and boy did she improve. I was even more cautious with her after gave her a bath once a day to ensure hydration, I would even be late to school at times. And I would think of her when I was in school just wanting to hold her, she was my child. I would hold her for hours and pet her and put little clothes on her, take her for walks, I did everything with her. She was my best friend. I love her cuddles and smile, she just made everything better. I have some pretty severe depression and at one point I really didn't want to live anymore, but I had her and she made me better, like healed me in a way she showed me what it was like to have someone be dependent on you and want nothing more in return but love, she was just innocence and happiness. Not many people understan because they don't see reptiles bonding with humans but she bonded so well with me. Four months later, two weeks ago she developed worms. I thought she would be fine just a little dewormer and she just got worse, she couldn't poop and I saw how hard she was straining, her eyes began to sink she kept vomitting whatever I gave her and man was it a violent scene. 2 days go she was still a little active but her beard had been black since saturday and when bearded dragons do this it is a bad sign. They are either being aggrssive or in pain, not once had she been aggressive with me or anyone, she was so, soooo friendly and curious she had such a distinct personality which I loved. Today I just looked at her and her eyes just looked so sad and my gut just said to do the most humane thing I could. Despite the substantial amount of money I had already spent on her I was willing to spend more, but I just saw that she had already suffered enough. I was her whole life and I feel like I could have done more. She was only a year old and beardies live up to 10-12 years and it hurts so much. I have been crying for so long. Since saturday I haven't been able to stop. My heart hurts so much. Like no breakup or heartache has ever been this bad. Looking at her empty tank kills me. And I just miss her so much. I have to pick her body up from the vet tomorrow and I can't stop thinking of her, I just keep praying I will see her again one day. I miss her so much already and I can't function, I keep crying and screaming for my little girl and it doesn't help. I don't know what to do.