On Sept 9,2000, our family cat for almost 12 years lost his fight with mast cell cancer, Shadow was my world. I got him from a pet shop when he was only a few weeks old, He was in the window with a dozen other cats. The other cats were all resting, but not Shadow. He was jumping all over them and knocking down the kitty condo on top of them. When I asked the girl to see him she asked if I was sure I wanted to see that one. I was sure...very sure!!! When I saw him up close I noticed he had extra fingers...I think they call that polydactal. He was purring so loud when I held him. He climed to the top of head and sat there.I knew then that he was the one. The best $19.95 I ever spent! I had another cat at home...Lucky. Lucky was 1 1/2 years old. I thought he needed company. Shadow imitated everything Lucky did. Afterall it was his big brother. When I became pregnant with twins and almost lost them Shadow was always there to comfort me. When I was afraid Shadow was there to calm me down and without words, just a look in his eyes, he let me know that everything would be fine. After the babies were born the only time he left the nursery was to let me know that the babies needed me. When I had to foreclose on my home and had no money or any idea of where my family would go...Shadow was there once again to comfort me. My husband at the time worked 2 jobs and I was home alone with the kids almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, When I thought I was going out of my mind and had no clue how to care for a baby...Shadow was there. When I was going through my divorce and was unsure, afraid, and lonely...Shadow was there. I have never been in great health...60% of my heart valve is not working, I have fibromyalgia, migranes, fibrocystic breast disease, asthma and diabetes. I have had a number of surgeries and procedures. I was phsically disable for 6 months. When I felt I could not go on any longer Shadow was there for me. Even though he could not speak to me, he did in his own way. He somehow knew when I needed him. I feel that if not for him I may not be alive today. Shadow had surgery about 2 years ago and a mass was removed. It was mast cell cancer.Another lump showed up in October of 1999. When the vet aspirated the lump they found mast cells. We went the chemo and prednisone route. It reduced the size of the lump a little bit...then we decided on surgery once again. When the vet finished the procedure the lump was the size of 3 golf balls. The vet sent the samples to University of South Florida pathology department only to find out he did not get it all.It had grown inward. If the vet would have took anymore of the mass out Shadow may have lost use of his front left limb. Shadow went back on chemo and prednisone. Nothing seemed to be helping.Radiation was considered; however, we all agreed that the quality of life would be compromised. The lumps were multiplying and ulcerating to the surface causing open wounds. We knew death was coming, but we were not sure how long he had. Shadow would never act ill. He still loved to play and fight with his brother Lucky. He was always purring and very vocal...I swear he was really trying to talk like humans!!! He loved to eat!!! Oh yeah, he was about 22 pounds. Towards the end I knew he was dying...he ate whatever he wanted....he loved prime rib!!! On an odd note Shadow loved to eat the tips off of my cigarettes...the vet said no...but he was happy and at this point that is all I wanted. He had his own pack of cigarettes with his name on it. He would take a bite in the morning after breakfast and one bite after dinner. If I would have kept him alive I would have sewn him a smoking jacket!!! He had to be in the same room as I was. This started the moment I got him home from the pet store. That is why I named him Shadow...he was my shadow! When I went to work he would walk me to the door and greet me in the same spot when I came home. The night before he passed I was having a bad asthma attack and had to sleep on the couch sitting up. Shadow would always come up on the bed at night to say goodnight and then he would sleep at my feet or on the top of my head. When he would sleep on my head he would nuzzle him face into my hair and pet me with one paw. That night before he passed he layed on my chest the whole night. He was looking very tired the past few days. I told him how much I loved him and how much he has meant to me. I thanked him for all the wonderful years of comfort and love he gave me. He looked so beautiful that night. His eyes were the prettiest blue/green and his fur so soft like velvet. I kept telling him how beautiful he was. I also told him i did not want to see him hurt and when it was time for him to go to just let me know...I knew he could...he had a way of talking to me. It was as if we could read each others mind. Shadow did not move off my chest until it was breakfast time. He picked what can of food he wanted by rubbing on it...and sang a song of meows like always until I put the food down. He ate like normal. We had to put Shadow in the bathroom and close the door or Lucky would eat his food. When my fiance Bill opened the door normally Shadow stops and lets Bill pet him...this time he ran right out to me in the living room. He layed on the floor next to me. I rubbed him and told him I would be right back...I went to the patio and had half a cigarette....no more then 2-3 minutes...when I went back to the living room I saw him laying on the floor...I called his name...he did not move. I put my hand on him...he was still warm...but no movement. I screamed for Bill...he came running...Bill tried to shake him...no response... Shadow has passed. I could feel my heart being broken. After going through so much with him Shadow has become one of my children. I am finding it hard to get through an ordinary day. I don't want to leave the house. I have 8 year old twins(Alex & Jourdan...Boy & a girl)They try to help me, even friends and family try to help...I know they mean well but it don't help.I feel that the only one who could get me through a time like this is Shadow....now he is not here! When I do leave the house I run home...I expect to see him come running to the door. At night I wait for him to come and say goodnight. When I leave a room I expect to see him follow me. I feel empty and alone. When I go to work I could be in a room with 20 people and I feel alone. I feel guilty if I play with Lucky...he lost his brother. I see the hurt in his eyes. I see the hurt in my families eyes...I cannot help them...I cannot help myself. I went to my family doctor...he gave my medicine to help me sleep...it don't work! Nothing does!!! I joined a local pet loss support group and have an appt. with a therapist. Part of me wants the pain and emptiness to go away...part of me does not... If it goes away...does Shadow? I am not sure and right now I am not willing to find out. My children and Bill see me in such pain and feel so helpless. I thank them and then ask to be left alone. I miss my Shadow... I ache for him. He was my world. He gave me unconditional love and support. He talked to me in a way that only he could. Rainbows bridge has been wonderful. Having a place to vent out these feelings gives me some comfort. Having Shadow as a resident here gives me a place to visit him. The chat rooms are amazing. The people on there are true angels. Comforting...never critical!!! Thank all of you for giving me the opportunity of tell you about my Shadow...he will always have a special place in my heart!!!! Thank You, Tracy - Shadows mom <3