having a bad asthma attack and had to sleep on the couch sitting up. Shadow would always come up on the bed at night to say goodnight and then he would sleep at my feet or on the top of my head. When he would sleep on my head he would nuzzle him face into my hair and pet me with one paw. That night before he passed he layed on my chest the whole night. He was looking very tired the past few days. I told him how much I loved him and how much he has meant to me. I thanked him for all the wonderful years of comfort and love he gave me. He looked so beautiful that night. His eyes were the prettiest blue/green and his fur so soft like velvet. I kept telling him how beautiful he was. I also told him i did not want to see him hurt and when it was time for him to go to just let me know...I knew he could...he had a way of talking to me. It was as if we could read each others mind. Shadow did not move off my chest until it was breakfast time. He picked what can of food he wanted by rubbing on it...and sang a song of meows like always until I put the food down. He ate like normal. We had to put Shadow in the bathroom and close the door or Lucky would eat his food. When my fiance Bill opened the door normally Shadow stops and lets Bill pet him...this time he ran right out to me in the living room. He layed on the floor next to me. I rubbed him and told him I would be right back...I went to the patio and had half a cigarette....no more then 2-3 minutes...when I went back to the living room I saw him laying on the floor...I called his name...he did not move. I put my hand on him...he was still warm...but no movement. I screamed for Bill...he came running...Bill tried to shake him...no response... Shadow has passed. I could feel my heart being broken. After going through so much with him Shadow has become one of my children. I am finding it hard to get through an ordinary day. I don't want to leave the house. I have 8 year old twins(Alex & Jourdan...Boy & a girl)They try to help me, even friends and family try to help...I know they mean well but it don't help.I feel that the only one who could get me through a time like this is Shadow....now he is not here! When I do leave the house I run home...I expect to see him come running to the door. At night I wait for him to come and say goodnight. When I leave a room I expect to see him follow me. I feel empty and alone. When I go to work I could be in a room with 20 people and I feel alone. I feel guilty if I play with Lucky...he lost his brother. I see the hurt in his eyes. I see the hurt in my families eyes...I cannot help them...I cannot help myself. I went to my family doctor...he gave my medicine to help me sleep...it don't work! Nothing does!!! I joined a local pet loss support group and have an appt. with a therapist. Part of me wants the pain and emptiness to go away...part of me does not... If it goes away...does Shadow? I am not sure and right now I am not willing to find out. My children and Bill see me in such pain and feel so helpless. I thank them and then ask to be left alone. I miss my Shadow... I ache for him. He was my world. He gave me unconditional love and support. He talked to me in a way that only he could. Rainbows bridge has been wonderful. Having a place to vent out these feelings gives me some comfort. Having Shadow as a resident here gives me a place to visit him. The chat rooms are amazing. The people on there are true angels. Comforting...never critical!!! Thank all of you for giving me the opportunity of tell you about my Shadow...he will always have a special place in my heart!!!! Thank You, Tracy a.k.a. Shadows mom