I met you in southern California. I had suffered a miscarriage and was empty and lonely and needed you. You were starved and scared and hid from me. You even tried to escape thought the chain link fence when I took you out for a wak.....and you ft thought too. You were so small.
I loved you and it took about six months for you to even learn that being pet felt good. after a couple years you decided you wanted to sleep next to me and so it was for the next......till now.
You survived being trampled by big dogs twice and having your head cracked....I traded you after you were well and called you my crackbaby.
It took years for anyone else to appreciate the love you had in your heart and what a cute silly little monkey you could be. But I knew all along.
I fell so in love with you. I made a cute little condo on my nightstand so that you would have a safe place(den) to eat and relax in and you loved it. You still came over and nudged your way under my covers an hour or so after lights out, to curl up next to my tummy. Or to stretch out and touch me with your back paws.
I had dresses for you and blankets to make you comfy and heated beds that you loved.
You loved to go with me anywhere and everywhere. Often you would sneak out of the house when you knew I was leaving and wait by the car insisting that I couldn't leave without you.
You were the first kisses in the am and th last at night. You stayed and comforted my through heartbreaks, divorce, illness ....everything. You were there. You would hunt me out and dance on your back legs to be picked up so you could be next to me.
Ten years is not enough.
I did the best I could. Started making your food when you started losing teeth. Tried all different things to ease your tummy when you kept getting sick, I am so sorry the stresses of life were hard on you. But you kept recovering. Every month or so at the end. It was so hard to see you with your til tucked because you pooped in yourself and u had to give you yet another bath, you sure liked to be clean and patiently thanked me for washing you.
The emptiness in my heart is great and my grief so real. I tried to mentally prepare for this time. Everyone has been saying for a while it was coming, that I would have to make a choice.
When the vet confirmed your pain and the more to come....I couldn't bear to have you hurting....and I wish I would have waited ...just a little longer...a few days, weeks....years... No, I couldn't If I had waited I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. I would have suffered along with you watching you sick and hurting and passing at me to take the pain away as you did so many times.
I chose to set you free from that pain. And in doing so have submitted myself to grief beyond words.
My only solace is when my freinds confirm that I did right by you. That you are no longer suffering, That the life you had with me was as a princess.
Wand to me you were, and are my princess.
You are. On the dresser now in a beautiful heart shaped tiny urn. You fit in the palm of my hand. You were so small....and are still. I slept with you under my pillow. IIt did give me. A little comfort to know where you are, that you are no longer have pain in your tummy or jaw.
But oh the ache in my heart....the loneliness .....the sadness engulfing me at missing you.
Even after trying to prepare to let go for so long.....I wish you were still here....I wasn't ready to say goodbye.