The female, Tiffany, was grey and white long-hair and the other, Bubbles, a black and white long-hair male beauty. Both had been fixed, is what I was told. Soon enough Tiffany, the female kitty made an escape out the back patio door that was left opened just enough by accident. They were indoor kitties, but Tiffany made it back after a couple of days safely. A few weeks later I happened to notice Tiffany was a little "round" on her belly than usual. I chalked it off to a large meal she may have had. Couple more weeks later and I dont believe my eyes...4 newborn kittens in my closet! How did this happen? My friend said she had her spayed?? Oh well, it didnt matter because when I saw these little fur-balls, my heart turned to butter! One in particular, a brown-black striped tabby male. There was no question about it...He was meant for me! I instantly felt a deep connection for who I would later name "Tigger."
From the beginning, Tigger was differnt from all the others. He walked, talked, played differntly. His mannerisms were almost humanlike. I have a huge roman cannon-ball 4-post bed. Tigger was so smart. He would jump up onto the railing and walk to one of the cannon-ball posts, jump onto the ball and stand on it on all fours. I would walk up to him and bend-over allowing him to step onto my head then I would walk (with kitty on top of my head) and bend over allowing him to get off my head and onto the next ball-post. This was our little game we called "get on top of the world!!"
Every morning at 6 am sharp, Tigger would sit on the floor in the hallway by my bedroom door and meow softly once. If I didnt respond, he would meow again but just a little louder. If I still didnt respond he would jump onto the bed sit and stare straight at me and make a little crackle sound until I opened my eyes. This was him telling me it was time for our morning walks. By the time he was in his senior years, and was not as strong as he used to be enough to defend himself from other tomcats, I would make sure to be near him as much as possible. He loved midnight walks. So at midnight I would take him for a walk wherever he wanted to go, never more than 6 -8 feet between us. His eyes seem to twinkle with so much gratitude when he looked at me. He loved the night bugs and dark brush and the knowingness his mommy was there to protect him from harm. If a dog chased after him, I got in front of tigger and pushed the dog away. Many times in his geriatric years other cats would try to hurt him, well mommy wasnt very far behind to swoop Tigger up and run after the neighborhood bully!
I was never really alone, even after thousands of miles of driving with Tigger cross-country, he slept quietly in the back seat, it was comforting to know he was with me. Through 2 failed marriages, countless empty relationships, cold- lonely nights, broken dreams, empty promises from people and life, Tigger again was still there. From a young, naive 20 year old girl to a 38 year old broken-hearted woman who lost everything down to her name and clothing, Tigger was there. So you can only imagine the depth of untarnished, unconditional, Godly love he gave me and I hope I have given him. I was unable to ever conceive children, so Tigger became my life, literally.
Tigger had been showing signs of intestinal distress for some time. I took Tigger to the vet religiously every two weeks for blood, urine, x-rays any and all kinds of tests. They all came back as nothing really significant. The vet prescribed B-12 injections, multi-vitamins, prescription food and medicine to improve any vomiting and/or nausea he may have. And he did perk up for just a bit. Then within a 6 month period, tigger went from 10 pounds to 5. Intestinal lymphoma (cancer) was highly suspected. We didnt have anything to lose at that point so chemo was initiated, which I now feel guilty for allowing this to have been performed because he was too weak to take it, and at 7 am March 1, 2008, I got that phone call telling me he had passed. I was in shock, couldnt talk, breath, pacing the house. I have never experienced a loss this profound. I was and still am devastated beyond comprehension. I cried out for him..."NO! where are you Tigger...this isnt happening...NOOO!"
I have always believed in the afterlife and decided to put this whole nightmare to the test. After pulling myself together, I pretended like nothing ever happened. If I left the house, when I returned I would immediately call Tigger's name in a singing voice just as I always had and he would come running to me with his usual welcoming meow. If I was getting ready to leave I would talk to him and sing our "sunshine" song. I would call his name to "come see me...come see mama." Every time I did these things and without hesitation, I immediately "felt" a presence in the room with me. I could almost feel him looking at me. I knew right away it was Tigger. About the 2nd or 3rd day after his passing I was sitting on my bed with my back against the headboard and laptop computer in hand. My body was leaning on my right hip and with my left knee up. Everything was quiet and without any movement, there was noone else in the room. All of a sudden something of the size of a cantalope or similar in weight and mass plopped right down next to my left hip, just like Tigger would do when he wanted to snuggle with me. At first I was startled but then realized that it was Tigger doing his little "plop" he used to do when he would slide his body along side me then "Plop" into a comfy position. I smiled and was pleased.
Later that same night at about 3 a.m. my boyfriend, Mike, came home on his lunch break. Mike said when he opened the door to come in, he heard what sounded clearly like a small animal run into the other room. The floors are wood therefore its easy to hear someone walking. Mike said the sound was so audible that he pulled out his gun, thinking there was an intruder in the house. (Mike is a police officer) He followed the sound into the next room, turned on the lights but saw nothing. When he told me this, we agreed it must have been Tigger running to the other room. Another incident was when I was laying in bed one night under the blanket and I felt something "pounce" onto my toes on the top of the blanket just like that little game kitties love to play. After being startled, I looked up only to see there was nothing there. One evening I was watching t.v. while sitting on the bed. On the nightstand next to me was a small toy. The kind you might get in one of those fast-food kids' meals. I had just finished making the bed so I remember where it was placed. I was thinking about Tigger and at that same moment the toy moved about 2 inches across the nightstand. I was a little frightened but also thankful. It was as if Tigger had jumped onto the nightstand and moved the toy to let me know he was there.
I still have yet to see his apparition, but nothing will ever be enough to heal my heart. I have had many dreams of him. One of the first dreams that left an impression upon me was of Tigger sitting at a garden gate looking at me. The gate door was open about 6 inches and on the otherside were trees, flowers and alot of greenery. He was looking at me when I called out to him to come to me but then started to walk to the gate. He seemed to be telling me he didnt want to come back to all the suffering. He wanted to go through the gate but loved me very much. In another dream, I was holding him and he was swaddled in a baby blanket just like newborn babies are at the hospital. Someone once told me that after death, we go through a cleansing or healing process, much like Tigger was cocooned in the blanket.
Even though its comforting to know they are still alive in spirit, it isnt comforting to know I wont be able to touch his soft fir, clean his ears for him with q-tips (something he loved) or take our little walks. I miss laying next to him and looking into his gorgeous green eyes. I keep pictures of him everywhere and have placed his ashes where I can see them everyday in a beautiful urn. It has been 15 months now since Tiggers' death and I am no closer to healing. In fact, I cry and mourn more now than ever before. The love I felt with him was nothing I have ever felt with anyone or anything. It was powerful and it was pure. Since his death, I am not the same. Upon visiting my mother at one point she told me something was missing, or "void" within me but couldnt figure out what it was...I didnt tell her but that was a no-brainer to me, it was the absence of my baby, Tigger. A huge part of me died with him and I dont know how to heal. I am thankful for those 18 years we spent together but I would give anything for another 18 with him here.
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