A Letter to You, Buddy: Best Friends, You and Me, Then and Now, Forever and to the End, an End That Will Never Be

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"Did you know that you were and always will be my best friend?"
"You were my youngest child."
"You were my protector and I always tried to be yours."
"Remember you loved snuggling up in the small of my back?"
"You found solace there."
"Did you know that, so did I."
"Don't remember those horrible times we went through."
"Remember how we, together survived, loving and supporting each other until we finally made it out of hell, escaping together?"
"Did you know that you were my example of the epitome of loyalty?"
"Thank you, for all you taught me."
"No one could have ever known the true and deepest meaning of trust, devotion, and unconditional love and commitment; no one else besides you and me, huh?"
"Did you know that your very presence was healing to me and that you brought indescribable joy into my life?"

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots"!
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"You're not home with me anymore."
"I don't leave the apartment as much 'cause I keep waiting for you."
"Do you know how lost I feel without you?"
"Where do I go?"
"What do I do?"
"Did you know that you were and always will be the best and totally unselfish friend I've ever had?"
"When everything seemed like it was falling apart, you were my constant, my unwavering, comforting 'buddy.'"
"You changed my life in ways I never could have imagined."
"I now reflect on those times both when we were and were not together."
"I'm sorry I didn't take the time to rub your tummy as often as I should have."
"When we meet up again (I bet ya there are no computers in Heaven) there'll be lots of time for all the tummy rubs I owe you."
"I have to believe this because it is in that belief that I find any sanity, any semblance of comfort."

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"I want to live again in the moments we had, but I know that those times are gone."
"They've been taken away from me, leaving me with only memories."
"You've been taken away from me."
"Wanna go?"
"Wanna take a walk?"
"Oh, how your eyes would light up!"
"You would jump and spin with excitement!"
"Wanna go for a ride?"
"I remember the unadulterated joy and excitement you experienced when I asked you that."
"I loved taking those rides with you."
"Driving is hard for me now."
"I keep looking for you, waiting for you to tear up the seat; missing your company."

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"I remember the last two days before you left me."
"Remember we had time to run errands together in the car?"
"Wanna go for a ride?"
"Oh, hell yes mama!"
"But our last ride together was not the same, was it?"
"I want you to know how hard I tried to save you."
"Do you know I never left your side, fighting with you and for you with all my might?"
"Do you know I did everything I knew to do to help you, to save you?"
"I don't know why you suffered baby, why God allowed you to die that way."
"You didn't deserve to die that way."
"Why didn't God let you go peacefully?"
"Can you ask him for me?"

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"I don't understand why 'it was your time.'"
"Such a sudden death, though I know it felt like an eternity to you."
"Unexpected. Painful. So fucking unfair!"
"Will I ever understand?"
"Do you understand?"
"All the 'what ifs' keep running through my head."
"The last ride was our last experience in hell together."
"Jan. 28, 2009, somewhere around 9:30 pm, I was there for you Buddy, just like you always were there for me."
"Remember that night when I was taken to the hospital, barely breathing, lying on the floor?"
"I know you were by my side, helping to keep me alive."
"Baby, I know that the last half hour we spent together you couldn't breathe; choking to death on our last ride together."
"Did you know I was there with you, never leaving your side?"

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"I don't know why I couldn't save you."
"Did you feel my breath going through your nose, hoping some would reach your lungs, trying to breath life into you?"
"I thought we found help and that the vet would save you."
"Dear God, it was too late!"
"You had fought so hard."
"I was so proud of you (I still am)."
"We were always strong and we always fought hard together."
"I don't feel so strong now without you."
"Did you know that when we got to the hospital, you laid your head on my shoulder and then fell asleep' in my arms, never to wake again?"
"Did you wait till I was holding you to feel safe enough to let go, to pass on to a better place?"
"Hey,Buddy-o!"
"No more pain for you, no more fear, no more uncertainty for my best bud."

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"Peace and beauty!"
"Toys and 'sticks!'"
"Grass and running!
"Run buddy, run!"
"Good boy!"
"Oh, how you loved to run!"
"Mama loves you."
"I hope you know that."
"My only comfort comes in knowing you will never hurt again."
"You're in a better place, huh?"
"Do you like it?"
"Are you having fun?"

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"Do you know we'll see each other again?"
"I don't know how long it will be but I'm telling you, I hope where you are, there is no time, because here it has already felt like a relentless eternity."
"I remember you."
"I see you in everything I do, see you everywhere I go, in everything that moves."
"Is that you I I feel standing beside me? Because when I turn around there's no one there."
"I feel that void in the small of my back every night when I lie down to go to sleep in a now empty bed."
"I miss your multiple, relentless 'nighty-night' kisses."
"You were my angel sent from Heaven."
"I wish I had spent more time with you relishing in those moments."
"You were mine and I was yours, you and me against the world."
"I thought I'd make it to heaven first and be looking down, watching after you."
"For whatever reason, you left this crazy world before I did and I know you're watching after mama and saving a place for us."

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"Hey, Buds!"
"I have a new bracelet, actually the first one I've ever worn."
"It's a beautiful blue."
"Stuart helped me attach your dog tag to it."
"Sound familiar?"
"It's your collar, the one always waiting for its leash."
"It looked better on you but I know you'd want me to have it and wear it."
"I know where you are there are no need for collars and leashes and tags."
"By the way, A'me, Stuart, and Kolors (yes, she misses you too) send their love and Stuart says he's gonna miss his hairy, shedding friend."
"Grandma misses you with such love and painful intensity and loneliness."
"I miss all the colors you brought into my life."
"Hold them for me until you are in my arms again."

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

"I hear that the BUTTERFLY returns when the winds blow free."
"I will keep listening and looking for you in the winds."
"You were always the one I felt the safest with, the one that could always make me laugh and smile and let the light come back in."
"There's a place you've touched with your love no one will ever get to."
"It's been said that someday we'll all have perfect wings."
"I always thought your earthly BUTTERFLY wings were already beautiful and perfect."
"Did you get an extra set?"
"I'm excited thinking about the day I see you again and get my set."
"I try to understand why God took you away and the only reason I can come up with is Heaven must have been missing you and that God is the only one that could have loved you more than me."
"I guess I can't blame him for wanting you back on his side."
"Thank you again for all the joy that you brought to me."
"Best friends, you and me, then and now, forever and to the end, an end that will never be."

BUDDY
"Are you there?"
"Where are you?"
"Can you hear mama?"
"You don't come when I call you anymore."
BUTTERFLY
"There's those butterfly ears!"
POLKA DOTS
"There's those polka dots!"
GLUE
"Are you still stuck to me like glue?"
"Did you know that I, my heart was also and still is stuck to you like glue?"

With all my love and till later my Buddyglue,

"MamaGlue"