bullet..i just want you to know that i think about you every day and remember every moment we had together. you were a blessing in my life. when i was all alone in the house with no food i made sure i went and bought a bag of dog food before i bought myself a sandwich. you were my number one priority. you were not my pet, you were my son. do you remember the first day we met? you were the only puppy with one ear up and one ear down. you kept bouncing over to me and wanting me to hold you. i knew i would never let you down.
i remember when i first taught you how to sit and how proud of you i was when you did. you were so smart. i miss you so much little guy. even though all my relationships were falling apart i knew i still had you and that you still loved me. i miss coming home to you and you sprinting to me and jumping on me licking my face and crying for me even though i was right there. i remember your athsma attacks and how worried i was about you...how much i prayed for it to stop. you were such a soldier. even though i moved around i always made sure that i saved up the money to put you on that plane with me no matter what. when you were a baby i would put you in my sweater and you would poke your little head out of my collar and just enjoy the view. as you got older you became so protective of me and i felt so special. when someone would yell at me you were right there in front of me guarding your mommy. Bullet i am so sorry that i couldnt keep you at my house in nc i hate myself everyday for that. i thought that you would be happy with will..i know you were but i also know that you would have rather been with me. i tried to come visit you as much as possible and i missed you everyday i didnt see you....we had been through so much in the past year and you have to understand that i would have been evicted if i kept you with me. thats no excuse though i should have moved out and found a place that accepted dogs even if i had to leave mom.
Bullet the day i got that phone call was the absolute worst day in my life. i was at work when you got hit by that car. i want you to know that i dropped everything and left work to see you. when i got there my i didnt even make it inside i just saw your beautiful perky ears non moving and broke down again. Bullet i was going to see you in 5 days why did you have to go? i didnt even get to see you one last time. I heard that you didnt feel a thing and im greatful for that because if you would have felt pain for even one second i would have never forgave myself. your eyes were open baby, i couldnt bare to see those bloodshot red eyes...i asked will to close them but they wouldnt close. i walked over to you and i touched you just one time and it killed me. i couldnt stop crying. your grandma was crying too..
we went that night to get supplies from walmart to prepare for your burial. i bought you a new toy to play with when you are in that wonderful place. its a little doggy with a heart that says "be mine". Will dug your hole and i kissed you one last time before wrapping you and placing you in the box. i put your toy right next to you. we carefully placed you in the hole and i said good things about you before we buried you. i hope you didnt mind when i took your favorite toy home. everytime i see it i kiss it and think of you squeaking it all the time. you were so funny.
i still have pictures of you and those funny videos we made together also. its still hard to watch them but i have to see you and how happy you were. i also signed up to volunteer at petsmart for the new haven no kill animal shelter in your memory. maybe there will be puppies and kittens to go to a good home and be treated with love and respect like i did with you. Bullet i cant wait to see you again. im getting your name and picture tattooed on my shoulder blade to let the whole world how much you mean to me and that no one will come before you.
IN THE MEMORY OF BULLET RUIZ
OCTOBER 06 2008- JANUARY 13 2010
I LOVE YOU BULLET