Dear Lily, It's been one sad year without you. I'm sorry I let you down. In hindsight, every step of the way the steps I took were wrong. There are so many "if onlys." I guess I'll never get over what happened. The sad thing is everyone wanted to help you - but people screw up. Your hideous death was my worst nightmare. Your "good prognosis" turned to tragedy. I think it was the vet and vet techs on duty's worst nightmare too. I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know (from the records) how you suffered. I'm sorry that you suffered so, and I'm sorry that you were so scared.
Lily, I hope you know that what I've done this past year is to make sure you didn't die in vain. I hope that everyone involved has learned something. I surely did. I do know that you didn't get the antibiotic that would have saved you. They wanted to save you, but people screw up. I hope you were a teaching soul. That is why I reported the OSVS to the state board and had an investigation done. I only hope that the vets will be alert for sepsis in the future, and maybe some other animal will be saved. Maybe some animal will get the antibiotic before their blood glucose crashes, and it's too late.
I adopted Calla in your honor. She's for you; she's your legacy too. I can't take care of My Lily anymore, but I can take care of Calla. I promise to do better for your sister and best buddy Daisy and for Wilma, Rose, Barney and Calla too.
I'm having a hard time forgetting that awful night and the sight of your ravaged body. I hope you heard the words I spoke to you as they stopped breathing for you. I hope you somehow felt my kisses. I'm having a hard time with the anger and guilt now.
From this day forward, I want to remember how happy you were. I want to remember the way you nibbled at my ankles during dinner preparation. I want to remember you sunbathing in the mud room. I want to remember you lounging in the bathroom sink. I want to remember you sitting on the bathrooom counter watching me get ready for work. I want to remember the weekly game when I was changing the bed sheets. I want to remember how you loved your big sisters Betty and Wilma.
I thank you for the signs from heaven when I needed them. I hope you're with Betty Boop for she was crazy about you. I hope you're with the sad little kitten that died on my doorstep. She never even had a life or a home. I'm so glad that I had you, though the time was cut short. You're in my heart always.