She came into MY world which quickly became HER world.. at 6 weeks of age,upon entering the house she grabbed a rug ..drug it to the spot where she would lay in the kitchen an call it "home sweet home".
She was , of pure joy of love and constant laughter.. rotties are very comical and silly and as soon as they get you to believe that, it is even more comical. Anything she could do to make me laugh ..she would do it..and she was by my side ..constantly..
I remember the actual fits she would throw when my husband would pick her up to go inside..she would wind that head around and around and whine and whine..because she loved life in itself.and wanted to live it to it's fullest...but she loved her mom the best..
Every one adored her everywhere she went.. she was the kindest sweetest dogs you could ever have met..she would have done anything for me.. she sang.. i taught her how to sing.. she hummed.. music was her greatest joy..because she had heard her momma sing all day long.. at the end i ws teaching her how to say " i love you" ,little did i know at that point ....that i was losing her to an evil evil thing...bone cancer..
She loved her rides to pet smart..when she was only 3 i wondered why she tired so easily..why would a 3 year old lay down in pet smart?I thought i had worn her out..at that time i did not even realize she was in pain.. not alot .. i dont want to think about it.. it has only been 5 months.. if i could just see her kind eyes once more.. if i could only just hug that 27 inch neck again..if i could just see that look she gave me when i entered the room..
This is difficult for me so i must fast forward to the end..or i will never make it through this..
She went everywhere with MOM..everywhere..
Her birthday was sept 6th..she had just turned 6 yrs old.. her golden birthday.. she was limping.. i thought she had hurt her leg going down our stairs from the deck..oct 3rd..she ws still limping.. and wincing a little when she would lay down..
we called the mobile vet..he said he knew the minute he saw her.. she walked out of the house and onto the porch ..he said with kindnes in his eyes as he touched her head.."i dont know why people are afraid of these dogs..when i saw this 130 pound rottie that i can clearly see that she is in pain just walk out of the house ....with the kindest eyes..."
He gave her pain meds.. i was up all night with her.. she was "hummming" she heard a song that ws my favorite on the stereo we kept on all night.. she was kind of humming and whimpering from the pain.. i layed next to her .. telling her everything would be alright.. momma was here with her..
The next morning i told her.. "dad is taking you for a ride"..it would be her last one....................somehow i think she knew..because she only went for rides with mom...it was scheduled to be at 4 :00 ...we could no longer let our baby girl be in pain.. but how could i let her go? it was killing me..the thought of losing her.. was too much for me to bear..
after laying with her and stroking her back and telling her how much i loved her..she got into the back part of the car.. i stood on the porch(how could i go? that would kill me..after all my husband would be with her..)the hatchback was open.. a nice cozy comfort was layed down ..a pillow.. her bowl ,a nice cold bottle of water..only one thing was missing.. the thing i would not think of till she was gone from this earth..til it was too late and regret would set in and never leave til the day i died... the thing that was the most important thing in the world to her...............................me.........
I watched as my husband shut the hatchback.. he told me to go into the house.. no, i wanted to wave.. i wanted her to see me..and that she did.. as they drove off she NEVER took her eyes off of me..she had her head turned around watching meand she watched me until i was out of her sight..that will haunt me all of the days of my life the way she looked at me..like" mom arent you coming along for the ride too??" i wanted her to know i was here for her.. but i was not.. in the most important day i WAS NOT THERE FOR HER>>>she was there ALL THE TIME WITH ME>> but i did not hold her head in my arms when she received the first shot to relax her.. my husband was..but I SHOULD HAVE BEEN>>> i was not there to comfort her.. i was not there for the final shot..but i should have been ... her beautiful glossy shiney head layed in my husband's hand..while he sobbed and told her how much mom and dad loved her..i was not there.. the most important person in her life.. was not there.. and i will have to live with the pain of that for the rest of my life..i loved you Baby Girl.. i would cut off my right arm if i could have had your life ended with me holding you in my arms..please forgive me my baby girl.. i will always remember your smile and your songs.. you took a chunk of my heart when you left.. it is NOT good bye baby girl.. it is "so long"..i love you Shiloah my sweet baby girl.. i will never forget you...you left me way too soon .. there was so much to do.. Maybe in heaven you are running and playing and waiting for me to arrive.. i will see you again my Baby Girl..i will see you again soon..