Dear Porky,

You had many nicknames through the years. I liked to call you Big Baby because that's what you were. You were also my best friend for 12 years. I thought you would live forever..I feel like our time was so short. You were so young..I felt like you still wanted to live, to be with me forever, but now I have to go on without you. I miss blowing into your fur to warm you up, kissing your warm little temples, feeling your wonderful billowy fur. Everyone always told me you were the most beautiful cat. Porky, you saved my life and that's something only we share. I love you. I miss you. I go to places where you sat in the house and pretend you're still there. I take shirts you laid on and smell them and look at your fur. Your fur is all over the house. I sit in your room, look at your car furniture and your paper bag. Your litter boxes. I think I felt you cuddle with me last night. Maybe it was a dream. I know you knew I loved you. I will always doubt my decisions, my course of treatment, reducing your prednisone. I'll never know. I thought it was making you sick, maybe it was the disease. My poor beautiful boy, I'm so sorry. I did everything I could. There will never be another cat like you. I don't know what's waiting on the other side. I know you're not in pain. I hope you come visit for night cuddles as far out as it seems. The bed seems empty without you, I can't bring myself to sleep in it anymore. You were the most gorgeous wonderful cat, king of my heart.