I am not a poet and there is nothing extraordinary about this piece. It is what you are all feeling I am sure. I just decided to write and share it tonight.

It has been a year and 2 months since my baby Kahlua passed away 2 weeks shy of his 14th birthday. He was a wondrous dog, so charismatic that everyone who met him fell in love with him, well mannered enough that even at 10 weeks he could go to work with me in a medical office. He was accepted everywhere from my friend's houses, to needlepoint group, to my card group as everyone knew that if he were not welcome, I would not show up either.

More than once he was called my shadow but that wasn't really accurate. The most treasured item of his that I have kept is a collar that depicts a footprint next to a paw print as we were side by side
from the moment that we laid eyes on each other. It was so obviously a case of love at first sight.

I go to bed at night wishing that I would fall asleep and visit Rainbow Bridge and a couple of times I had really deep sleeps and felt like I had been with him or at least saw him. In the morning, I still hope it was all a dream and look over on the bed to see if his beautiful eyes and incredible smile are there, but they aren't. People say it is time to let go but it is too hard when your heart is so full of a creature who you could talk to about anything and he would understand and you understood always what he said and what he wanted. He would provide so much joy to the days because he took so much pleasure in everything he did and made sure I was watching whatever he was doing always. He always had that intense focus on me and I on him and we were inseparable. I am disabled now so my circumstances have changed substantially since he first became my son but that enabled us to be together even more and makes his loss more acute.

I got another dog a couple of months after Kahlua died and I love him but basically he heightens the sense of loss by making me realize even more just how special Kahlua was, how perfect he was. I work continually at my relationship with Cubby but I am not sure he loves me and certainly is not devoted to me like Kahlua was. Cubby's nickname is Sybil and that gives you an idea to some of the problems. He has this sweet, cute personality and then it looks like the devil enveloped his body and his head turns around 360 degrees like something out of The Exorcist and his teeth find my hand. Needless to say I have never had a dog before who growled, much less bit me. So he is a challenge and I haven't dismissed the possibility that missing Kahlua is part of the problem. Cubby did teach me though that not all Shih tzus are wonderful. I just happened to have a one in a million dog with my precious, darling baby Kahlua who I so long to see, touch, and walk with again.