She didn't have a name when I found her. She was seriously neglected, living in a cage in a basement. Her owner would sometimes go days without giving her food or fresh water. After visiting the house a few times I asked if I could have her. She came home with me that day, and I named her Bean. She was a tiny Netherland Dwarf, grey with white trim. I had never had a rabbit before and it was a learning experience for her and I. She taught me everything I know now about rabbits and so much I didn't know about love, and life. It took a while to get her socialized and for her to get used to me handling her. I used to laugh so hard when she would do what I call the "bunny twist jump", the leap they do when they are happy and feeling saucy. It begins with a run and mid-air they twist the back half of their body. All my rabbits do this regularly! Once she got the love she so desperately needed Bean was loving and affectionate. She and I spent countless hours together, I would pat her and sing to her and she would grind her teeth in bunny bliss. I used to marvel at her beauty, her silky soft grey coat, her perfect (sharp, haha) white teeth, and her tiny little ears. I called her my second chance angel, because her life before she came to me was filled with neglect and abuse.
In 2003 I moved to California and I brought Bean and my 3 other rabbits with me. While we were there she fell seriously ill one night, and the hospital said it was a respiratory infection. I told them to do whatever they had to in order to save her. An inexperienced vet tech put a catheter in her tiny arm the wrong way and it caused necrosis of the tissue and Bean's front left paw had to be amputated. I was worried the trauma from the surgery would be too much for her to bear. But my brave little Bean pulled through the surgery and remained the energetic, wonderful princess she had always been. She would still evade me when I would try to catch her to put her back in her cage, I couldn't keep up with her!
It turned out I never had to worry about her because she could survive anything. She was 12 years old when she died, which was yesterday, June 4th 2007. Bean suddenly grew sick last week with torticollis (head tilt). The vet told me that there were a few possible causes, bacteria, parasite, virus or tumor. There is no medicine for a virus or tumor so we tried medicine for the bacteria or the parasite. Bean didn't respond to the medication, in fact she grew worse within the period of a few days. It had been in the back of my mind but I really began to fear the worst: a brain tumor. The vet said that's most likely what was causing the head tilt because Bean wasn't responding to medication. She said that there are 2 main kinds of brain tumors in rabbits, one being operable and the other being inoperable. She said the chances of Bean having the operable tumor were slim to none and it was most likely the inoperable tumor. Furthermore, the vet told me that even if Bean did have the kind of tumor that could be operated on, the chances of her recovering satisfactorily from the surgery were slim. For days Bean had been lying in her cage unable to move, and wasn't eating or drinking on her own. I had to syringe feed her and when I held her the poor baby couldn't even sit straight. The doctor likened her illness to vertigo in humans, when you always feel dizzy and can't get your bearings.
My choices were to let nature take its course or subject her to a surgery that either wasn't an option or wasn't going to help anyway.
I decided to put her to sleep, and even as I type that I can't believe she is gone. I feel guilty for doing that but I feel as though I had no other choice. The vet told me Bean was "ancient in bunny years" and she had never seen a rabbit that old. Bean had a great, long life and I cherish every moment I spent with her. I keep picturing her sweet face in my mind and how she used to sleep in bed with me. She would grind her teeth when she was content and secure and would even lick me if the mood struck her. I never knew it was possible to love a 2 pound animal this much, but it is. Bean and I had a special bond that has affected me profoundly in many ways. I know that she is home in Heaven with the Lord and this isn't goodbye, it's see you later. Now she is roaming the green grass freely, stopping to munch on carrots(her favorite food ever). She has her front left paw back and she is happy.

I love you Bean, the sweetest little girl of my heart. You mean everything to me, and I'm so sorry I let you go. I didn't want you to suffer needlessly. Until we meet again Beandip, know that I love you with all my heart.